What Will Happen To My Children In A Divorce

One of two things happened; either you learned to communicate and listen or you didn’t.  There are several levels of communication and different frequencies, just like a radio.  When marriage first crossed your mind you were probably on the right station and you heard everything important that your boyfriend/girlfriend was saying.  You acted on the requests; buying her daisies because she thought roses were too cliché.  You compromised; not playing video games on the weekend so you could spend time with her outside of the house.  You shared; allowing him to pick the movie the two of you went to see.  You trusted; believing he was right in the job he wanted to leave and the one he wanted to start.

So, things took a turn down the road and a layer of thin ice developed on your relationship.  They bought a pair of skates just like you knew they would.  If there are children in your family I want to share with you the dangers of continuing the thought process of a divorce and urge you to reconsider.  Just remember that day when you told yourself you would do anything for the other; fight, kill, and even die.  Get some gasoline and be ready to douse that dwindling flame.

Children are resilient.  I’ve come to dislike that saying.  It’s true and denying it would make one a fool.  But children get hurt just as easily as adults, sometimes more so.  Psychologists get paid to explore the levels of hurt children bring into their adult lives; abandonment, “daddy-issues”, depression, self worth, and the list goes on.

Your son bursts from his car seat and runs to the park.  The first thing he does is ask his dad to follow him up the ladders and down the slides.  When he reaches the bottom he asks his mom to push him on the swings.  He then wants his dad to spin him in the air like a helicopter before running back to his mom because he fell and scraped his knee.  The child doesn’t have to stop and think about the family being together and having fun.  It’s simply the world he knows.

The family stops being a family and one of the adults move out.  The boy is at the park with his mom.  She pushes him on the swing and runs around with him, but the dad isn’t there to lift him in the air.  The boy knows the excuse and can’t wait to see his dad on the weekend, but part of him wishes he was there like before.  When the weekend comes he explodes with joy to see his dad.  They go to the park and reenact areal battles and jump off swings and spin in circles until lunch threatens to join the grass.  The boy looks for his mom and wishes she could be there too.

Fast-forward.  The boy resents his dad for not being there for him when he needed him the most.  All he wanted to do was tell him about the bully at school.  He wanted to brag about making an A in English.  He wanted to show off the picture he drew in Art class.  He wanted to ask why his girlfriend’s lips were so wet with that first kiss.  Or, he wanted to cry to his mom because his feelings got hurt.  He wanted to show his mom the picture he took with his camera.

As an adult we long for the connection of human relationships.  We need someone to talk to when we feel bad.  We need to share our joy with others when something good happens to us.  We find those people and make ourselves feel better through our conversations or cries.  Children need the same thing, but it’s not as easy for them to find the right people to talk with.  They started out with a man and a woman in their life that gave them the necessary attention for each new chapter in their life.  Now, a key character is missing and one parent is forced to play the role of both mom and dad.  They simply can’t do it.  It’s not natural for the adult or the child.  “Getting through it” becomes the motto.

This is just one small sliver of the picture.  Children need both parents for the right advice at the right time.  They need both sets of shoulders to cry on.  They need both kisses at night.  It all boils down to the simplest part of our human nature core; we need both parents in our lives to achieve the greatest outcome for our future.  If that reason isn’t enough to continue fighting against divorce, then something has become a part of you that should be removed.  If you don’t want to remove it, then know that your children will suffer in one way or another and some time down the road you will have to face the pain again.