The world would be a better place if there existed a room where a couple could go to get it all out of their system. Here are some facts that apply to most divorces that I’ve found to be true. There will be pain and suffering. There will be murky waters and unexplained questions whose answers never come about. Peace will eventually arrive. And understanding is the guest that has an invitation to the party, but no one knows if or when it will show up.
Alright, in this room a couple has as long as it takes to
get all of that out of the way. The wife
asks why the affair arose. She gets all
the information she wants so she can have closure. The husband might ask about the way his wife
treats him or doesn’t treat him a certain way.
The point is, the couple gets all the pain out of the way. They scream at each other, they cry, but they
repeat themselves until the other person has the answers to the questions they
need an explanation for.
Session two in the room consists of planning. She tells him she is getting the house and
child support. He tells her he is
keeping the boat and getting to see his children three weekends a month. They can fight about the plans and try to
adjust them to fit both their wants, but they come to an agreement on how life
will go forward. If she says she is getting
the house and he disagrees, then he will be ready to fight against that in
court and she will be ready for the fight.
But they both know the plan and where the future is heading.
Session three in the room deals with healing. Both parties calm themselves and look past
all the “things” in life and say their apologies. If the husband isn’t sorry for anything, then
he voices it. The wife can react in any
way she wants. This session takes all
the maturity each adult has learned over a lifetime and they practice it with
sensitivity. This room is starting to
sound like it belongs on another planet.
Here’s my point.
Watch a movie, read a book, talk to someone about the years after a
divorce. It may take one or fifteen, but
there will come a time when that princess you married that became a witch
during the divorce turns into an acquaintance.
She mothers your children and you talk to her about the kids and other
day to day “stuff”. The anger and
jealousy is gone. She is just another
person walking this earth. That will or
should happen one day. Getting to that
day shouldn’t take so long. If you could
press fast-forward or enter that magical room, then you could both go about
your separate lives without all the drama, intent on hurting, suffering, etc…
If the years that we look back on and say, “Yeah, those were
pretty rough,” could become weeks, then maybe this wouldn’t happen. “Children from fatherless homes account for
63 percent of youth suicides, 71 percent of the pregnant teenagers, 90 percent
of the homeless and runaway children, and 70 percent of the institutionalized
juveniles. They account for 85 percent of the children with behavioral
disorders, 80 percent of rapists, 71 percent of all high school dropouts, 75
percent of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers and 85 percent of
all youths in prison.” (http://www.divorcesource.com/ds/main/u-s-divorce-rates-and-statistics-1037.shtml).
You’ve heard the phrase, “Man up, men, and be a dad.” Sometimes that’s hard when a vindictive woman
is pushing the man further and further from the family, so “Man up, women, and
let the man be a dad.” Whatever the
situation is, the children need both parents to be key roles and not
second-rate actors in the play of life.
So, help yourself fix your marriage by creating this room to
communicate all the broken feelings and get to work on repairing them. Mend the broken bridges or construct new ones
where clear understanding can travel often.
Heal the wounds with more than just a Band-Aid, so the sores don’t
remain. With maturity, press
fast-forward and get to the point where dad can be dad, mom can be mom, or bygones
can be bygones.
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