What If Divorce Is The Only Way?

Up to this point it might seem as if I am arguing for marriage and considering divorce an abomination to God.  Some translations of Malachi 2:16 says, “For I hate divorce.”  Let’s explore that first.  I think the point God tried to make with Israel, His people, us, was and is the importance of a covenant or contract; basically keeping one’s word and not breaking it.  That has become menial in our society with contracts always being broken.  If God hates divorce, then what does He love?  The answer is simple and obvious; everyone.  But God doesn’t love sin.  Tie all that together and I come to the conclusion that sometimes divorce is alright.

A man becomes abusive toward his wife.  He slaps her and sometimes even hits here with a balled up fist.  He screams at her and makes her feel less than human.  He tells her how much he loves her and can’t live without her.  He has become her controller and implants a fear in her that keeps her around.  If the man cannot change, will not seek help, and continues to be abusive, then the woman should divorce him and do it quickly.

A man or woman becomes abusive toward their children.  God loves children.  If a child is being abused, then I believe a divorce should be sought immediately.  No questions asked.  The abuser should be locked away because that scarred child is going to grow up and affect the lives around them.  The waves of repercussions go too far outward.

A woman controls her husband through verbal abuse.  She will not seek help or change.  She drives the man to misery by making him feel unimportant and less than those around him.  The man should get a divorce.

You notice I mention changing from an abusive state in each of these situations.  Unless a car accident, diagnosis of death, or eye-opening experience happens this change cannot come without the grace of God.  If a change does happen and divorce is avoided, then I believe a trial time should be exercised.  If the person reverts back to an abusive state, then a divorce should happen.

Why a divorce in these dramatic scenarios?  Because the person or child being abused will not be able to have an abundant relationship with God otherwise.  How can a woman go to church, sing praise and worship, listen to the word of God, and come home to a fist in the face and still feel close to her creator?  It can’t happen, healthfully.  She has a better chance at a happy life away from her husband.

Rape is a form of abuse.  Constant unfaithfulness is a form of abuse.  Emotional bondage is a form of abuse.  If abuse is happening in a relationship, then a counselor or therapist should be the immediate step toward recovery.  If the abuse continues, then divorce should happen.     

Some things we learn as children should not be forgotten when we grow up.  Children hate every form of pain.  They don’t like to be screamed at.  They don’t like to break a bone.  They don’t like to get hit by bullies.  Pain does not have to be a part of our adulthood.  But unhappiness should not be considered a form of pain. Change should be the first priority and if change cannot or will not come, then getting away from the pain is the only step left.

Sometimes divorce is the only way.  But in most cases divorce is an out that will cause more pain in the lives of the family being broken by selfishness.  Think about your situation of unhappiness and where the pain lies.  Try to seek help in alleviating the pain.  You take aspirin or drink water for a headache.  There might be a solution for the pain in your marriage.  Don’t begin this mission halfheartedly and lie to yourself when you say you tried everything.  Try to fall in love again and fix your family.  If you can’t, then get a lawyer and remove the pain from your life.  Your relationship with God will grow.