The Search for Happiness.
Question: Why is it considered acceptable to get a divorce?
I’m willing to bet that regardless of your social status, ethnicity, economic
standing, working class, or religious preference you can ask five of your
closest friends if divorce has affected their family and three of them will
have a long story to share with you. I believe that we should search and find
happiness in this short life we have on this planet, but selfishness might leave
a wake of destruction greater than the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
There they are; sitting across the candlelit table from you.
There is nothing more beautiful in this
world. Your insides are dancing at the
thought of touching their lips with yours.
They’re so funny. Their laugh
inspires you to come up with jokes.
Their touch is like heaven on earth.
You would do anything for them, forever.
Fast-forward. You can’t stand
their annoying laugh. They have no sense
of humor. Everything they do annoys
you. You can’t wait to go to work so you
won’t have to look at them one moment longer.
Where did that spark go? Where
did the knight in shining armor disappear to?
When did your princess become a witch?
In this first post I want to search for the root of the
breakdown. All the important details of
the relationship (children, faith, independence, freedom, etc…) will follow
later on.
In the 1.5 million books I’ve read about relationships,
divorces, marriage, and love, (I haven’t read that many books in my life, but
there are about that many out there on the subject) I’ve found one common
factor; communication. Talking to your
spouse is the key that developed that special friendship and took it to another
level. Communication made you strong
enough to have the courage to stand in front of your family, friends, and Elvis
Presley in Las Vegas to say those two simple words, “I do.” Chances are if you’re viewing your other half
as a disease at this point, then your communication has dwindled or stopped
completely. Why is that?
Does this sound familiar?
“Tom, what’s on your mind?” “Cindy,
what’s got you down?” Insert your name
into the question and place you at work or in the setting with your
friends. They ask you what’s going on
and you open up like a book. It feels
good to talk about your problems at home.
All you want is an ear to listen; sometimes you are willing to pay for
that ear and get a prescription at the end of the session. Whatever the case is, that’s fine. It’s excellent! But why is it so easy to talk to your friend
about Bob’s snoring and lack of intimacy to Patty and not to Bob himself?
If your relationship is failing or on a downward spiral,
then I bet this one phrase will get the ball rolling faster or put the brakes
on so that you can begin the healing process in your relationship; “(Name of
your spouse) I can see us separating in the future, can we talk about our
relationship?” Bam! Now, they know what
you are thinking and it’s probably the same thing they are. Now, they know that you see yourself without
them in the future. Now, they can make
the choice to be absent from your future or simply part their lips and begin to
communicate again.
Personally, I think it is worth one more shot at repairing
the brokenness and starting again. If an
affair is involved , then counseling is more than likely needed. If children are involved, then fight as if
your life depends on it. Either way, you
are going to become a statistic; that of divorce or that of the family that
chose to stay together for the betterment of life. The only sure thing about what’s to come is
if you don’t see your spouse as the knight in shining armor again or the
princess of beauty and talk with them like they are your best friend, (remember
when you rejected all rational from your friends and family and only listened
to them in the first place), then you will end up living separate lives and
alone in the near future.
Talk. It may start a
fight, it may produce tears, it may be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. But talk to them and listen to what they have
to say. No relationship in the history
of time ever began or sustained without communication. Even the unconscious car accident victim’s
body speaks to the doctors to let them know what is wrong and what needs to
happen to save their life. You’re not
unconscious and neither is your spouse.
Talk. And listen.
