Too Much Pain.

You’re standing there because He told you to.  So, why does the weight on your shoulders feel so heavy?  You went down that path and it didn’t lead where you thought it would.  You’re right back in the same place.  You grew closer to God because you didn’t want to feel this way again.  He promised you a different outcome.  The waters are rising.  You fall to your knees because you don’t know what else to do.  You scream out to God, but you no longer have a voice.  The water rushes over you and knocks you back.  You’re struggling to stay afloat.  Wind and waves crash against your face.  You frantically try to keep your head above water.  Your arms are burning and your legs cramp up.  The last ounce of will leaves your body and you realize how broken you are.

You start to sink.  You’re reaching up for help as the salty water enters your mouth.  Your throat burns.  You can’t breathe.  Tears are streaming down your face.  You cry because the pain is too great to deal with.  Life wasn’t supposed to turn out this way.  Where are you to go when the skies are dark and you can’t see past a decision you haven’t even made yet?

You’ve already reached out to everyone you know for help.  They prayed a thousand times just as you have.  Yesterday was better, but today returned with force and left you hurting.  God took a vacation and forgot about you.  You’re alone and dying from the inside out.  Tomorrow will never be as bright as the past you long for.  Darkness overtakes you.

In that moment you feel more alone than you ever have in your entire life.  You’re done talking to God.  You want to turn to something else because your trust has been shattered.  You simply want to escape the pain.

That’s when the brightest light you’ve ever seen pierces the darkness.  An explosion from the surface of the water opens your eyes.  You see an arm reaching down to save you.  The hand grabs yours with force and pulls you up.  You emerge from the waters.  Ferocious winds tear at your clothes.  Howling winds shriek past your ears.  Lightening slashes the night skies.  A massive tidal wave is heading for you.  This time you won’t be able to survive the onslaught.

“Hold me,” He whispers.

You peel your face away from His chest and notice Jesus holding you tightly in the storm.  You look into His eyes.  The peace in them transfers to your soul.  He sees the fear resonating from your eyes and opens his mouth.

Gently he speaks, “Peace, be still."

 

The tidal wave falls like rain.  The winds, rain, and lightening evaporate.  The ocean beneath your feet turns placid.  That’s when you realize you’re standing on water.  It’s the first miracle in a long line of gifts God is about to impart in your life.  All you have to do is keep holding on.  Hold on to Jesus.

You're An Overcomer!

Mandisa has an awesome song out right now that inspires the weak and hurting with phrases like “Stay in the fight ‘til the final round” and “You’re not going under”.  She tells us that God isn’t turning His back on us anytime soon.

This prompted a thought about why we need God so much and what drives us into His arms.  Fear is a major part of that drive.  In our weakened state we become fearful of the unknown.  Will I be able to make next month’s rent?  Will my kids have food on the table?  Will I have to find another job?  God, are you going to show up and do something to help me out?

I searched the Bible about fear and found that God has been driving home a message to His people for thousands of years; Fear Not!  God isn’t afraid of anything because He knows what tomorrow will bring.  He wants us to stop worrying and release our fears.  Why?

Matthew 10:28  “And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.  But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in Hell.”  God wants us to fear Him only.  That’s a deep reality to grasp.  Seasons will pass, things will come and go, people will enter and leave your life for as long as you have breath in your lungs, but letting fear drive your emotions or actions does not help.  Fear only God for he has the power to destroy the soul and that is all that matters in the next life.

Psalm 27:1 “The Lord is my light and salvation; Whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?”  God ups the ante here.  He’s telling us that He gives us strength to get up and go on.  We shouldn’t be afraid of tomorrow because He is with us and will provide for us.  Do you ever feel that you can’t go on?  Is there anything else more powerful than that eclipsing feeling?  Sometimes all we need is strength because movement seems impossible.  God will give us strength.  He tells us that again in Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

If we haven’t been convinced yet God tells us in 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”  God did not give us a spirit of fear to worry about small things in this life.  He gave us power, love, and self-discipline.  God wants more than anything to show us love and for us to take that love and show it to others.  There is power in that.  He wants us to be Overcomers of our fears so we can experience His greatness each and every day.

God’s Pumpkin Spiced Latte

I’ve been seeing and hearing so much about pumpkin flavored coffees, snacks, pies, and about every other imaginable food and drink where the delicious additive is combined.  Tis the season for pumpkin scented candles, air fresheners, and automobile deodorizers.  Many say it is a seasonal trend that peaks around Thanksgiving, but holds steady during the fall months.  Is it a farfetched connection to ask if we are God’s pumpkin spiced latte sometimes?

Seasons come and go in our life where we are more active, have more energy, and feel better connected to those around us.  Statistics show that during the holiday season of Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas more people experience depression than any other time of the year.  I tell you, let God make you trendy this holiday season; just like the taste of pumpkin spice in everything you consume this fall.

You might be prone to depression because of a lost loved one, a divorce, an unexpected death of a child, debt, or other struggles this holiday season.  I heard something new from a guest speaker this last Sunday in church.  He said, “I am thankful for debt in my life.  It helps me realize how much I owe of myself to someone else.”  He wasn’t talking about financial debt, but the debt he owes his parents for the direction they pushed him in life.

So, as the holidays come pray something simple to God.  Tell Him you want something different this year.  You want Him to use you in a way He never has before.  Ask Him to show you joy each day and share that joy with others.  Ask Him to bless you, so you can bless others.  Pray for your enemies and everyone you come in contact with.  Read the Bible just a little bit more than usual.  Pumpkin spice will come and go.  Starbucks will no longer have the drink when spring rolls around.  Don’t fade out like that and wait for another season of usefulness to come along.  Ask God to make you his Pumpkin Spiced Latte and keep yourself on the menu year round.

Love Alone Is Worth The Fight

What is love?  Webster defines it as an intense feeling of deep affection.  Google brings up music videos and philosophical explanations on its attachment to sexuality.  Some say love is a weapon.  Others argue that love doesn’t exist at all.  I say, love cannot be attached to the fear of being hurt in any way, form, or shape, or it wouldn’t be love at all.

Love is in all of us.  If you instantly want to argue, then I can delve into the darkest scenarios possible to prove love’s existence.  Even a killer is touched by love, but lacks conscience to lead them down the right path of expression.  With those full of hate they are choosing the opposite and that choice alone shows their battle against love’s existence.

Love is caring for others.  You want to see them blessings shower their lives.  You care about their outcome.  This feeling may prompt the spirit of giving and sacrificing.  It becomes acceptable for you to suffer for their gain.  In your suffering you feel satisfaction because they are prospering.  The sacrifice can range from the unpleasant feeling of eating at a restaurant you would rather not all the way the ultimate, sacrificing yourself.

Love can be biological.  One loves their mother because of that relationship alone.  Mom nursed, raised, protected, and sheltered you and a piece of your core shows appreciation by the feeling defined as love.  Love can be chemical; that feeling of satisfaction before, during, and after sex.

One thing for sure is love cannot change.  Love is either present or absent.  Love can grow or diminish in the same way water can be poured into or out of a cup.  A simmering love can find a source of fuel and ignite into a burning inferno.  A raging love can be put out in an instant and vanish.  But love cannot change.  It changes you.

Love has a lengthy list of side effects that include, but are not limited to: happiness, joy, peace, kindness, patience, gentleness, caring, faith, and hope.  Love puts a smile on your face when it’s raining outside.  Love brings tears to your eyes when your daughter gets married.  Love sends chills down your arm when he whispers in your ears something romantic.  Love washes away the fear and comforts you in the storms of life.  Love replaces words of anger.  Love helps you wait, so you’re not alone.  Love gives hope when there doesn’t seem to be a way.

All this being said; love alone is worth fighting for.  Love brings too much positivity with it to be ignored or without.  Some days or even years can go by without love present.  You should have your sword and shield in hand and be in the middle of the battle.  Swing away at hate.  Stab frustration until it bleeds out.  Conquer fear and raise your sword high above your head and shout in victory, “I choose love!”  For without love we are a hollow shell waiting to be shattered.

It’s Not Enough!

You’re a thousand miles away tonight.  I stretch out my hand, but you don’t take hold.  I look to the skies and see beauty, but you’re missing.  The wind stirs the leaves in the trees all around me, but you no longer dance on the breeze.  I’m empty.  The fire is gone.  How could you leave me?  You knew I would need you right now.  Where do I go?  How do I continue?  How do I start again?  All I see is this massive mountain before me, the desert behind me, and crowded woods surrounding me.  Where did you go?

Keep walking.

 

Twigs slap at my face.  Thorns tear at my limbs.  Rocks catch on my feet and make me stumble.  Fallen trees beat my legs.  Snarled branches keep the sun from me.

 

Step out of the forest.

 

Miles of land lead to the mountain.  I don’t have the strength to make it in this open area.  It’s too far of a walk.  The sun burns my skin.  It’s too bright out here.  Where am I supposed to go?

 

Stop walking and run!

 

My legs burn.  I don’t have the energy for this.  My chest hurts.  There’s not enough oxygen in the air.  Sweat stings my eyes.  Okay, I’m at the mountain.  It’s so tall.

 

Climb!

 

The ground is unstable.  The earth slips beneath my weight.  My fingers are bleeding from clawing at gravel and gripping jagged boulders.  My knees hurt from lifting my weight higher.  I look back and fear falling to my death.  Bats escape a cave and slap at my head.  Small trees uproot when I try to get a hold of something to pull myself higher.  My arms hurt.  The top appears, but there’s nothing up there.  I finally reach level ground and fall to back.  I’m exhausted.

 

Catch your breath.  Lay there for a moment.  Rest.

 

I’m so tired.

 

Now, stand up.  Get to your feet.

 

But I’m—

 

Stop talking and look around.

 

Thick clouds hover above my head.  I reach up and touch them.  Cold moisture covers my hands and erases the cuts.  I turn to see a rainbow in the distance.  The beautiful colors somehow relax the aching muscles in my arms and legs.  I take a deep breath.  The clean air relaxes my lungs.  My chest no longer hurts.  A gust of wind knocks me to a sitting position.  The breeze washes away the gashes and bruises on my legs.  I sit and look at the forest in the distance.  It seems so small from up here.

 

I brought you to this place to show you something.  Do you see where you came from?  Remember the struggle in the woods?  Remember dreading the run?  Remember climbing this mountain?  Look closer.  The forest should have killed you.  The open field should have consumed you.  The mountain should have shaken you off.  But they didn’t.  You were not alone.  What do you see from here?

 

Tears stream down my face.  My body grows warm as you wrap your arms around me.  I see defeat.  I see impossibilities.  I see death.  I see that I couldn’t see a way through all that.

 

I am the way.

 

The darkness surrounding my journey dissolves.  A great light transforms all below to majesty.  I see strength developed from the journey through the forest.  I see endurance given from the journey across the field.  I see perseverance gained from the journey up the mountain.

 

You see victory with Me.  Now, go back.  But this time realize that I am with you.  This time do not try to do it on your own.  Open your eyes and see the struggle as I do; a blessing.  During the climb I will be the solid ground beneath your feet.  During the run I am your strength.  In the darkness I am the light.  In the your struggle I am your faith.  I am the way.  And the truth.  And I am your life.

Helping Children In Need

My firstborn son, Donald Edward Stidham the Fourth, already had my namesake and was destined to be the smartest child ever born.  He would play sports and conquer his opponents.  He would learn music and become a skilled musician.  He would know multiple languages.  He would choose a profession where several years of college would mold him into a successful person.  When he was born that reality froze.  Doctors took him to a helicopter and flew him a hundred miles away to Arkansas Children’s Hospital.  Tubes were placed in him.  Pneumonia plagued his lungs and tomorrow wasn’t promised.

I could only touch my son in that warming bed.  My fingers glided down his back, careful not to touch the tubes supporting his life.  I bought him  a small lion and placed it next to him, not to protect him, but to inspire him to be like the lion and find strength.  I prayed for him constantly.

Nearly six years later he is strong and courageous like the lion.  He is smart and kind.  That future that I wished for him is still possible.  Stories like this happen all the time thanks to children’s hospitals around the world.  St. Jude’s and Arkansas Children’s Hospital save lives.  I’ve talked about it since I started writing and I always said that I would donate to these organizations once I published my first book.  That day has finally come.

Today I contacted St. Jude’s and Arkansas Children’s Hospitals and spoke with their fundraising departments.  The ball is rolling.  I don’t know how long it will take to make it official, but those who purchase Breath of Life will know that 10% of anything I make will go to St. Jude’s.  Another 10% will go to Arkansas Children’s Hospital.  This donation process will happen for the lifetime of the book, which is forever.  The giving will not stop here.  My second novel, Pieces, will do the same thing to two different charities.  My third novel will do the same and so on.  I want to help change the world.  I want you to know that you are helping right along side of me.

If you have any ideas for charities I would like to know about them.  I will research them and they could possibly land on my list to give to.  Writing has a lot of self-fulfillment involved in the process.  It’s therapy.  I’ve been blessed with the ability to create stories and I want to share that blessing with organizations that help others.  It doesn’t matter if only one book is sold each month.  Twenty percent of that will go to saving children’s lives.

Thank you for your support.

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